Understanding abuse and violence
Everyone deserves to feel safe, respected and free to make their own choices. Abuse is never your fault, and you do not have to face it alone.
What is abuse?
Abuse is behaviour that harms, frightens, intimidates or controls another person. It can happen in intimate relationships and within whānau or family, and it is not always physical. You do not need to be certain it is abuse before asking for support.
Different types of abuse and violence
Physical violence
Hurting or threatening to hurt you, including hitting, pushing, restraining you, blocking your exit, or damaging things to frighten you.
Emotional and psychological abuse
Threats, humiliation, constant criticism, intimidation or making you doubt your memory and experiences. Threatening people or pets you care about can also be abuse.
Sexual violence and coercion
Any sexual activity without freely given consent, including pressure, threats or unwanted touching. Being in a relationship does not mean someone is entitled to sex. Controlling contraception or pregnancy decisions is also abuse.
Financial and economic abuse
Controlling access to money, withholding essentials, taking your income, forcing debt on you, or preventing you from working or studying.
Coercive control and isolation
A pattern of behaviour that limits your freedom: deciding who you can see, where you can go or what you wear, setting rules, and using fear or punishment to enforce them.
Digital abuse and stalking
Monitoring your phone or location, demanding passwords, repeated unwanted contact, or threatening to share private images. If monitoring concerns you, use a safer device to seek support when possible.
Cultural and spiritual abuse
Using beliefs, culture or religion to control or shame you, or preventing you from connecting with your language, whakapapa, whānau, identity or spiritual practices.
Abuse affecting tamariki
Tamariki can be harmed by seeing, hearing or living with family violence, even when it is not directed at them. Threatening to take children away or using them to control you is also a warning sign.
You can talk to us.
If any of this feels familiar, support is available. Call the free 24/7 crisis line on 0800 733 843. If you are in immediate danger, call 111.